Day 18

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i wrote a bit on Instagram today about how i felt soon after my mother passed and how i didn’t want to see or be seen… and how sometimes i still feel that way.

but… that i’m still here. that we all are… and i was thinking about what i want to make that mean... how, as the author of my own life, i want to consider what i can do with this life. i think, for me, i want to start with being more accepting of myself than i have been thus far.

i think the desire to change myself and to be ‘something better’ has become so much a part of my day to day awareness that i often don’t even recognize it for what it is anymore.

i want to be thinner. i want to have less of a temper. i want to be smarter. i want to be braver. i want to be more patient with my family. i want to eat healthier and feel better. i want to be more consistent. i don’t want to be so soft-hearted all the time (or at least be better able to manage my emotions).

the list goes on, but do you see what i mean? i just rattled these off from the top of my head. these things, and more, are all living inside of my mind all the time. i can’t help but wonder how much energy that takes up on a daily basis… and it seems like such a waste.

i wonder what would happen if i just completely accepted myself as i am. right now. all of it.

food for thought, i suppose.

Day 18.jpg

and now for some gratitude…

i’m grateful that the rain finally started today and that it’s cooled off so much this evening

i’m so grateful that i’m officially on vacation now - even if ‘only’ for a few days

i’m grateful that R brought pizza home for dinner. i’ve been craving it all week, and it was good :-)

i’m grateful for time to start on my new book from the library

i know this sounds so lame, but i’m grateful that it’s time for a hot shower and cool, clean sheets

i’m grateful that there’s nothing i really have to do all weekend except some grocery shopping

well that’s all for now. happy Friday friends.