i did my Inner Balance again this morning, and had super high hopes. i’d just come back from my walk with Lexi and she was especially panicked today for some reason, so our walk was… not fun. i came back pretty pissed off, if i’m honest.
got hooked up & settled in, started my breathing… and just. could. not. let. go.
that knot in my chest just would not loosen today. when i tried to recall things to be grateful for, it was all dry. there was no life there.
i felt frustrated, and definitely no better than when i’d started… maybe even worse for having tried and failed.
regardless, time marched on and i needed to get on in to my day, so i did.
struggled a good bit today
and now here, just after 4:00 in the afternoon, after reading the response of a wise woman to my FB question… i remembered.
sometimes, it’ll feel crap, and i just have to try anyway. i just need to focus on what i am grateful for, even if (in that moment) i can’t feel it like i did yesterday.
i need to choose to do this, over and over and over, because that is part of re-training my brain to look to the light… to look to what is good already.
so here we are again :-)
i am grateful for all the space we have in this house, and for having my own office (what!?).
i am grateful for how i’ve been able to decorate, and how that’s helped it really feel like Home to me (in a way that the apartment never did, and the old house never really did either)
i’m grateful that the grass is growing in so well, and for all the rain these past few days. it’s a wonderful thing to look out the window and see all this green.. i love it :-)
i’m grateful for the plantation shutters, and the big heavy curtains over the floor-to-ceiling sliders, and how i can choose to dim everything and make it feel very cozy and cool
i’m grateful for the soft & cozy blankets and pillows, and how i can snuggle into them with the fan and a good book, and feel like i’m in #heaven
i’m grateful for the ability to tell ‘Alexa’ to play a particular station, pretty much anywhere i am in the house, and i can have my sound with me anywhere
i’m grateful for the washer and dryer, and not needing to use a public one.. i have always really detested that whole process, and it’s SO nice to have them right here
i’m grateful that the air conditioner works so well, and that i have small fans i can carry with me from room to room :-)
i’m grateful for my essential oils, and diffusers… and for the beeswax candles i like to burn now & then. such a clean, and cleansing feel to both
and there we are. how interesting to note that i actually do feel better after writing that list, and i bet i could slip pretty easily into a coherent heart rhythm now if i got hooked up.