Death as ally to Life
What if death isn't the darkness we fear, but the light that illuminates what truly matters?
I've talked about "Death as ally" before. If you've seen my earlier video on this concept, you'll recognize the cave metaphor I'm about to share. But this framework is so foundational to how I approach life that I want to explore it again, maybe from a slightly different angle. Understanding this concept has been one of the most transformative tools in my own life, and I believe it can be in yours too.
First, Some Important Distinctions
When I say "Death as ally," I capitalize the D as a form of respect. Death deserves our reverence; not because it's something to worship, but because it holds immense power over us and within its own being. Whether you think of Death as an embodied presence or as a force, that's entirely up to you. What matters is acknowledging its significance.
The full phrase I use internally is actually ‘Death as ally (to Life)’, with Life also capitalized. Here's why: I use "Life" with a capital L to refer to that which is bigger than all of us, what many people call God, Divinity, The Universe, or whatever name resonates with you. This is different from "life" with a lowercase l, which refers to our day-to-day existence of being alive.
Both Death and Life are forces beyond our control, which happens to be very much in my wheelhouse if you're familiar with astrology (Sun in 8th house, Pluto in 12th house). But even if astrology isn't your thing, stick with me.
The Cave Metaphor Revisited
If you've heard me share this story before, it's because it perfectly captures what I mean by “Death as ally." Years ago, my family visited a cave system in New York. Coming from a warm climate, we had to bundle up in jackets for the chilly underground temperatures. We took a caged elevator deep into the earth and emerged into this vast, incredible cave system with water and rock formations that left us speechless.
At one point during the tour, our guide gathered us together and turned off all the lights.
I cannot adequately describe that level of darkness, and it would be hard to fathom unless you've experienced it yourself. I held my hand directly in front of my face - close enough to feel my own breath on it, close enough to feel the heat radiating from my palm - and I could see absolutely nothing. Not even a shadow. Complete, total darkness.
Ok, now hold that image in your mind. Got it?
Then… imagine lighting a single match in that cave.
That one small flame would suddenly illuminate everything in your immediate vicinity. You'd see if there was a boulder you were about to walk into, a cliff you might step off, rocks at your feet waiting to trip you. The match wouldn't light up the entire cave, just your immediate surroundings, but that would be enough to move forward safely, and with confidence.
Flipping the Script
Here's where most people's thinking about death gets turned upside down:
Most of us think of Death as the dark cave; the unknown, the frightening void we can't see into. And that fear is completely normal and understandable.
But what if we flipped that metaphor?
What if our daily life (with all its distractions, obligations, and endless to-do lists) is actually the dark cave? And what if death is the lit match?
When we're willing to sit with our mortality, to really acknowledge that we and everyone we love will die, something remarkable happens. Suddenly, we can see clearly what's in our immediate vicinity. We know exactly what's most important right now, what needs to be prioritized, what deserves our attention and energy.
The things that don't truly matter simply fall away. There's no struggle, no angst about deciding between competing priorities. The clarity is immediate and visceral.
A Living Compass
This isn't a morbid practice. It's the ultimate form of respect for life. When I'm aware of my mortality, I get crystal clear about what I want to prioritize. Maybe today that's responding to my dog's needs. Tomorrow it might be handling financial matters because I'm thinking about what I'll leave behind for my children.
The priorities can shift, but the clarity remains constant. Death as ally becomes a living compass, always pointing toward what's most meaningful in this very moment.
An Invitation to Experiment
I'm not asking you to accept this framework blindly. I'm inviting you to experiment with it in your own life. Ask yourself:
What do I think about this concept?
What has my experience with mortality awareness been so far?
Does this perspective match up with my current beliefs, or is there something I'm missing?
What happens if I try this approach and notice what shifts?
Be open to the questions. Be willing to experiment. Notice what comes up for you.
Why This Matters Now
I believe if more people were consciously aware of their mortality and working with it in helpful ways, we could create profound positive change in this world. When we're clear about what truly matters, we stop wasting time on what doesn't. We show up more fully for what does.
Life is short in so many ways (and in some ways it's not. There’s nuance in everything!). We all have different experiences of the length and quality of our lifetimes. But imagine what becomes possible when we let Death be our ally rather than our enemy, when we let mortality awareness guide us toward what's most alive and meaningful.
So let's start this conversation. How does this land for you? Does it feel morbid and unhelpful, or does something stir when you consider this perspective? What comes up for you when you sit with your own mortality?
The world needs us to be clear about what matters. The world needs you to be fully alive to what's most important in your one precious life.
Let's take the lead on this. Let's see what becomes possible when we befriend the very thing most people fear.
Because in the end, Death isn't the opposite of Life - it's life's greatest teacher.
