Death as ally - another lens

Finding Presence Through Mortality: When Death Becomes Your Ally

A different way to work with death as ally that might surprise you

Now that we've talked about what I actually mean when I say "death as ally (to Life)," let's explore another lens for looking at this concept - one that might not be what you expected.

The Frustration with "Watering Down" Truth

I used to get incredibly frustrated when people would suggest I talk about mortality awareness from a "lighter" perspective. Friends would say, "Dude, this is pretty heavy. Maybe consider talking about it differently?"

My pushback was intense because - and I recognize this now where I didn't then - I am just a very intense person. For me, this direct approach felt like the most real, down-to-earth, and grounded way to engage with an idea I genuinely want to work with. The suggestion to make it more palatable felt like being asked to water down something that is simply true. That's gross. I really struggled with this for a long time.

Sometimes I still do. Sometimes I still get frustrated with what feels like watering down something that is just true so it's more acceptable to other people.

However... you knew there was a however coming, didn't you?

My Heat Anxiety Epiphany

I recently had an epiphany about this. I live in a very warm climate, and to say I detest the heat is a gross understatement. It's like my kryptonite. As I'm recording this, we're heading into summer, and all I can think is, "Oh my god, what am I going to do this year?"

This makes me very anxious. But here's what's interesting when looking at it through the lens of death as ally...

[I can feel myself getting anxious just talking about it, so I'm sending my energy down into my belly, into my root. That's one of the things this work does for me - it helps me immediately prioritize what's true right now, what's most important right now.]

While part of me is already catastrophizing about how horrible and miserable this summer will be, there's another part sitting back, enjoying my coffee, totally relaxed, thinking: "Yeah, but do you remember how beautiful the walk was this morning? Do you remember how the air felt on your skin? Do you remember how surprised you were that it still felt that cool?"

That's because I have this death as ally lens actively helping me press pause on runaway anxiety that might otherwise take over. Instead, it's helping me be very present and aware of what's true right now.

The Inevitability Parallel

Yes, the heat is coming. Just like death is inevitable for all of us. Just like the ending of this particular life will come. Spring will also come to an end. Summer is coming. The heat is coming.

But when I'm able to be really present with what is right now, I remember this morning's walk. I remember thinking, "God, it's so nice out. It's so cool. I can't believe it's April and still this cool in the morning." I pulled out my phone - 65 degrees. Gorgeous. (I prefer mid-fifties, but still beautiful.)

I'm thinking about that because that's what is present. Death as ally is reminding me - like I said in my previous video - it's the match lit in complete darkness, allowing me to see just what's right around me right now. That's what's most important.

I don't need to see the shadows in the far corner of the cave right now. I will have to face the coming heat at some point. I'll probably be a miserable mess in August, if not sooner. But I don't need to see that right now. I don't need to put my focus there. It won't help anything if I do.

What I Can Actually Control

I can't control the weather - it's outside of me. What I can do is really soak up the enlivening I get from mornings like this morning. I can soak that up and stockpile it. I can hold those experiences.

Now, some people might hear that and say, "Well, you just said this is about being present."

Yes. Yes, because the present moment will always be easier for me if I'm with it and not catastrophizing about what could come or freaking out about what has been. The present moment will always be easier if I'm with it.

It's warmer outside right now than it was just before sunrise, but I'm not outside right now. I was outside this morning when it was gorgeous, and I was able to really enjoy it and soak it up. That helped. I remember that. I take that on board and feel it to such a degree that it feels like it's feeding me, enlivening me, helping me be more present and alive right now.

It's feeding that need I have for ordinary magick. This is a good example of where death as ally ties in with ordinary magick in my experience. (We can talk more about that connection in the future if you'd like.)

Beyond the Training Wheels Approach

This might not be what you expected me to talk about when I mentioned "another lens" for death as ally. You might have expected me to discuss it through seasonal cycles - and that is something I could talk about.

But honestly, I feel like many of us are beyond that. We don't need that. That feels like training wheels to me, and I don't think it's necessary at this point - not for the people I intend to talk to.

We could talk about death as ally through the lens of seasons or the life cycle of beloved four-leggeds in our families. We can explore those different approaches if needed. I just really don't think it's necessary.

I think for the people this will speak to, you're with me. For others, this is probably not the ideal place for them - which isn't to say there's anything wrong with being in that place, just that I'm probably not their person for this particular topic. That's all. And that's fine. We're all in different places, on different paths, at different points along the way. That's as it should be.

Let's Continue This Conversation

How did this land for you? How did this feel? Is it what you expected me to say, or not? Did you wish I had gone elsewhere with it? Is there something else you'd like me to cover in the future? What questions do you have? What concerns does this bring up?

Talk back. What do you have to say? I want to hear.

Thanks for being here. I mean that in all the ways. More soon.